wells + projects = frustration & boys = confusion

I absolutely love my house. I love that it's a single story brick rancher. I love that my mom has it decorated with a country flair. I love that it's located in the middle of nowhere. (No one can find it without specific directions!) However, this morning, I was not loving my house.

Since we're in the middle of nowhere, we have a well that we use for water. Now I know you're imagining that well from Snow White, but wells have progressed a long way since Walt Disney adapted those seven dwarves. We actually have indoor plumbing now. Anyway, my well pump died, so there is temporarily no running water. Frustrating, isn't it?

On top of that, I have a huge project for work that I've worked on for months that was due to be completed this week. My graphics collaborator has not returned my email, asking for the graphic that is to go on the front of the booklet I have assembled. Since this is a time-sensitive project that is being sent out to be printed, I'm a little antsy. More frustration.

Now, the confusing boys. I was dating this guy who was absolutely wonderful. Then, somewhat suddenly, it was over. Left with a lot of confusion and hurt, I moped around for days. And, now a couple of weeks later, he calls me. Part of me is still getting over that hurt, wounded, confused feeling. The other part of me wants to jump for joy and run with it. But who's to say that it won't happen again? Where is that pesky, all-knowing wizard when you need him?

How do I get myself into these things?

It seems that I'm frequently asking myself how I get into situations. Usually I have help from my friends and family. This particular instance, it was my coworkers. Being new on at my job, I wanted desperately to show that my work ethic and commitment was top of the line. So I took on a job that now seems overwhelming.

I work for a county library as an assistant to a department full of reference librarians. And, several months ago, I joined one of the library's many committees. I volunteered to create a resource guide for a specific set of programs. This required some research on my part, as well as relying on my coworkers to provide suggestions for resources and dates for programs. It's really tough to get 100+ people to cooperate, even if you have 5 months to get a job done. Many are procrastinators and have waited until the deadline to turn in their resources and program dates, which has made my job more difficult.

So, I'm spending my time outside of work to finish this project to meet my deadline with the county printshop. I'd much rather be outside puttering about.

A Few of My Favorite Quotes

"I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the sound of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love"
-Matt Nathanson, lyrics "Come on, Get Higher"



"Relationships--of all kinds--are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost."
-Kaleel Jamison

"Accept what people offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love."
-Wally Lamb, author

How?

I'm a self-professed animal lover. I love almost any animal imaginable. So, when I read the article below, I experienced a wide range of emotions. Horror, shock and sadness, just to name a few.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/magazine/12/22/vick.dogs/index.html


After reading the article, I, who am not a pit bull person, wanted to sign up to adopt one. I'm more of a Cocker Spaniel girl, but I wanted to take on one of these beautiful, wounded souls.

Random Thursday Thoughts

First, I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to my mom and my sister. Mom is turning 29 for the 27th time - you do the math. Emily has finally reached adulthood and is turning 24! As our greataunt Beulah would say, "I hope you have 105 more and that I'm there for each and every one of them!"

Secondly, I read this almost unbelieveable article yesterday in Glamour magazine. This woman married a guy who was just healthy as a horse. Not long after they were married, he went to play baseball and had a stroke. By the time she reached him 6 hours later, he was in his 3rd hospital and had surgery to correct the stroke. She found out from the neurosurgeon that her husband had had a brain stem stroke and he could be "locked in" his body forever. He could see and hear everything going on around him; he just couldn't talk about it. They quickly worked out a communication method and she stood by his side while taking care of him for several years.

The man continued to improve because she bolstered his courage to fight for recovery. He eventually was able to make sounds and communicate like a small child learning to talk. But after a while, he became discouraged and gave up on his recovery. When he tried to commit suicide by suffocating himself, the woman admitted to herself and her husband that she couldn't handle his care by himself and his emotional problems were overwhelming. Her husband left her and moved in with his parents. About a year later, he told her that he had to fight for his recovery by himself and make their separation permanent. Maybe it's me and the stuff I've been going through lately, but that woman got the wrong end of the deal. She wasn't given any choices or options when it came to working on her marriage.

Not a Resolution

I'm not that great at keeping resolutions, but I did make some decisions about my future recently. I'm applying to UNCG so that I can transfer my App credits and finally finish my bachelors degree. I'm rediscovering a few things that seem to have been buried for awhile. I'm going to finally finish my family tree research. I'm going to finish my scarf that I've been crotcheting forever. I'm going to be proactive in my battle against infertility.

I went to App from 1998-2002, but I left before I completed my degree because I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was too sick to stay and finish up. Fibromyalgia is classified as a chronic pain syndrome and an autoimmune disorder. Over the past 6 years I've learned how to survive, function and now, I'm feeling like I might just conquer it! A lot of my fellow sufferers find it hard to live a "normal" life, but I say normal is relative. Normal for me means taking my medication, getting plenty of sleep and trying to eat a healthy diet. I hold down a full time job, run a business, have an active social life and still manage to take care of myself properly.

My dream is to finish my bachelors degree and go to grad school for my masters in library & information systems. I work in the library now and love it. I want to learn more about it and why we do the things we do. I want a job that I love to come to everyday.

Rediscovering those buried things? Yeah, I need to get back into the habit of going to church, now that I've found an awesome minister and wonderful congregation. I need to finally put the last 5 years of pictures in my scrapbook. I need to finish the scarves I've started over the past few years. I really have to learn how to sew sleeve seams so I can finish up that outfit I started months ago.

I've been researching my family tree and have somehow assumed the role of family historian. I've gone 2-3 generations back. I'd like to make it 5 and find a way to display it for members of my family to see. I really just need to sit down and do the research. Once I have the 5 generations, I love to find pictures to match up the names.

Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, which is simply having cells that should be in the reproductive are forming elsewhere. It can be painful if not treated properly. Fortunately, I have a great group of providers that are treating me properly. I think I'm ready to learn about the next step - pregnancy.

Birthdays

Today's my dad's birthday. He would've been 58. We lost him in 1994. I miss you, Dad.